Thought I would give you a list of the top ten lies by soon to be ex has told me over the past seven years:
10. The two dressers he bought me for my birthday were antiques and cost $200 at an estate sale. The truth: they cost $20 at a yard sale. Definitely not antiques.
9. He looked in on my cat and held her after she was injured (she had been to the emergency vet, I needed to wait a couple days to see if there was any change before I took her back) - while I was at work. Truth: she was in too much pain to be held for any length of time - forget about the 30 minutes he claimed. Also, she was incontinent. He had no idea, yet I had to change my clothes after holding her for only a few minutes - just long enough to clean her up.
8. He is too old to get a job - or so everyone he interviews with tells him. Truth: it is illegal for anyone to discriminate because of age. And he is only 51.
7. He and his parolee buddy were going to start a business. Truth: they sit in the basement and play computer games all day.
6. The dishwasher keeps breaking and he has to fix it about once a month. Truth: the dishwasher is fine - I had an appliance repairman come out and take a look at it and he said there was nothing wrong with it.
5. He fixed my car. Truth: my car was locked and the alarm was on, and I had both sets of keys. How could he have gotten in to fix it (see #1 - maybe that ones true).
4. His last girlfriend called the police and had him arrested when he kicked her out. Truth: he threatened suicide when she left him and ended up in the psych ward.
3. He was a police officer who got laid off when the department decided to buy a helicopter. Truth: he was a security guard at the building that housed the police department. He was never an actual police officer.
2. He is a witch - with the power to see the future and change traffic lights. He can also take sickness away. Truth: he is an ordinary human with delusions of grandeur who puts wiccans to shame.
1. He loved me. Truth: if you lie to the extent he does, you don't even love yourself so how could he love me.
Saturday, October 27, 2007
Monday, October 22, 2007
The Miracle of Family and Friends
As I look back over the last 10 months - I know that I would never have made it without the support of my family and friends. Even my mother-in-law has offered financial support - and to testify for me if we end up in court.
Its funny the blinders you wear. I was in my own fantasy world - my soon to be ex gave me the skeleton - and I built a whole man around him. Then bone by bone that skeleton was taken apart as each lie he told was exposed.
The person I dreaded telling the most was one of my brothers-in-law. He is a staunch Catholic and I was terrified that I would be ostracized from the family. He and my sister have 7 kids (from 2 to 20) that mean the world to me. According to my mom his reaction to my separation was "It's about time!". Got to love that guy!
It is amazing what people don't tell you when they see you about to make a terrible mistake. One of Gary's lies was that he had been a police officer. He was laid off due to budget cuts. I found out recently that he had been a security guard for the police department building. A woman I worked for knew this - her husband was a police officer and worked in the same building that Gary "guarded". He met Gary and recognized him. But she never said a word. I don't blame her for my mistake - but just a quick chat with me seven years ago would have saved me a lot of money and agravation. So if you know someone is being lied to - speak up!
I am truly blessed with friends. Gary and I are still sharing the house. I couldn't change the locks because his name is on the title. Doesn't matter that he wasn't paying for anything. So now he is in the guest room. And finding out ways to aggravate me! I have had several offers from friends if I need to move out. Gary could go live in his truck. Even his mother won't take him in. His only friend is another 50 year old loser who lives in someone's basement, not paying any rent. They sit in our basement playing at starting a business. But mostly playing shoot 'em games on the computer. The friend is a convicted felon - on parole for stealing from his last employer. He ruined his wife's credit by buying a house in her name and then not paying a dime. He even sold the appliances out of it before the bank kicked him out. Two peas in a pod.
Its funny the blinders you wear. I was in my own fantasy world - my soon to be ex gave me the skeleton - and I built a whole man around him. Then bone by bone that skeleton was taken apart as each lie he told was exposed.
The person I dreaded telling the most was one of my brothers-in-law. He is a staunch Catholic and I was terrified that I would be ostracized from the family. He and my sister have 7 kids (from 2 to 20) that mean the world to me. According to my mom his reaction to my separation was "It's about time!". Got to love that guy!
It is amazing what people don't tell you when they see you about to make a terrible mistake. One of Gary's lies was that he had been a police officer. He was laid off due to budget cuts. I found out recently that he had been a security guard for the police department building. A woman I worked for knew this - her husband was a police officer and worked in the same building that Gary "guarded". He met Gary and recognized him. But she never said a word. I don't blame her for my mistake - but just a quick chat with me seven years ago would have saved me a lot of money and agravation. So if you know someone is being lied to - speak up!
I am truly blessed with friends. Gary and I are still sharing the house. I couldn't change the locks because his name is on the title. Doesn't matter that he wasn't paying for anything. So now he is in the guest room. And finding out ways to aggravate me! I have had several offers from friends if I need to move out. Gary could go live in his truck. Even his mother won't take him in. His only friend is another 50 year old loser who lives in someone's basement, not paying any rent. They sit in our basement playing at starting a business. But mostly playing shoot 'em games on the computer. The friend is a convicted felon - on parole for stealing from his last employer. He ruined his wife's credit by buying a house in her name and then not paying a dime. He even sold the appliances out of it before the bank kicked him out. Two peas in a pod.
Thursday, October 18, 2007
The Beginning
Four months from today I can file for divorce, about a month before my fourth wedding anniversary. Yes, I am counting down the days.
I guess it started out as a traditional courtship - we dated for five years before getting married. I thought I knew the man I was planning to spend the rest of my life with. Boy was I wrong!!
We met on the internet - I was 35 and he was 43. Both of us adults, never married, looking for someone.
His ad was filled with things women want to hear - mainly that he was employed and heterosexual. I guess there is no such thing as truth in advertising.
Our courtship wasn't perfect but it was pretty good. He cooked for me, helped me out when I had an allergic reaction to our birth control, made candles, and talked a good game. Too bad he couldn't sustain.
About three weeks before we got married he was laid off, or so he said. I found out later he was fired for falling asleep on the job. Not a good move for a security guard. He said he would definitely find a job when we got back from our honeymoon. That was 3 1/2 years ago and he still hasn't been able to find that job. In an area with record low unemployment. He claims age discrimination. I claim good taste - but I am a bit biased.
He has been trying to get social security because he has sleep apnea and fibromyalgia. Two illnesses that get laughed at in emergency rooms. He also - somehow - ended up with a handicapped parking tag for his truck. Someone with two problems that both benefit from walking can park right next to wherever he is going. Makes sense in his world, not mine.
I didn't leave him because of his health problems - although that is what he is telling everyone. I left him because he lied about EVERYTHING, and basically tried to gaslight me like Charles Boyer did to Ingrid Bergman in that old movie.
This blog is my way of making it thru the next four months. I have some very funny stories to tell and hope they help the next woman in my position.
I guess it started out as a traditional courtship - we dated for five years before getting married. I thought I knew the man I was planning to spend the rest of my life with. Boy was I wrong!!
We met on the internet - I was 35 and he was 43. Both of us adults, never married, looking for someone.
His ad was filled with things women want to hear - mainly that he was employed and heterosexual. I guess there is no such thing as truth in advertising.
Our courtship wasn't perfect but it was pretty good. He cooked for me, helped me out when I had an allergic reaction to our birth control, made candles, and talked a good game. Too bad he couldn't sustain.
About three weeks before we got married he was laid off, or so he said. I found out later he was fired for falling asleep on the job. Not a good move for a security guard. He said he would definitely find a job when we got back from our honeymoon. That was 3 1/2 years ago and he still hasn't been able to find that job. In an area with record low unemployment. He claims age discrimination. I claim good taste - but I am a bit biased.
He has been trying to get social security because he has sleep apnea and fibromyalgia. Two illnesses that get laughed at in emergency rooms. He also - somehow - ended up with a handicapped parking tag for his truck. Someone with two problems that both benefit from walking can park right next to wherever he is going. Makes sense in his world, not mine.
I didn't leave him because of his health problems - although that is what he is telling everyone. I left him because he lied about EVERYTHING, and basically tried to gaslight me like Charles Boyer did to Ingrid Bergman in that old movie.
This blog is my way of making it thru the next four months. I have some very funny stories to tell and hope they help the next woman in my position.
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